Daydreaming 

I’ve always been a wheelchair user, because my legs have never ever worked and never will. 

Life is pretty great all in all, I’m making the most of my life and embraced most of the difficulty I’ve faced. I’ve worked hard to become more than just my wheelchair. 

Sometimes, when my mind wonders I get lost in the idea of being an abled bodied person, the notion of it at first seems like an easy life, and then the idea just becomes confusing giving me a headache in the same way I feel confused when I think about how a fax machine works. 

Thinking about an able bodied me, would mean that it wouldn’t just be a pair of decent legs, but everything would be different but I often wonder if I’d have the same personality, the same friends or even the same lifestyle. 

When I started college I was interested photography, the only reason I didn’t take the course was because the darkroom was up a flight of stairs – I opted for Media Studies and, the rest as they say is history. Later enjoying a career in national television, for a while at least.

Who’s to say I wouldn’t have become a photographer? Would I have travelled the world? Probably with a high chance, I’d probably be married by now with babies. 

The reversed lifestyle isn’t the thing that upsets me so much, all though it would be nice to find a Superman, I’m not bothered that I haven’t travelled as much as I probably would have. 

The reality of this daydream is of course, pointless, it’s full of if, buts and maybes, and the thought of what could have been always brings me back to the reality and all I have to be greatful for. 

My disability has shaped who I am, given me the friends I love  and a family unit so loving and strong we can conquer everything, it’s given me a drive and determination to achieve, something that o don’t believe would exist if I was able bodied. I’m sure I’d be a far more complacent person if my legs worked, rather than the passionate person I am. 

Would I have the empathy for others, I know that despite my difficultly I am extremely lucky to still to just have mobility problems  in the main. I’m still very much an independent person as much as I can. 

I pride myself on empathy and kindness or to at least try to be kind, I often wonder if the able bodied me would be selfish and actually quite horrible. 

We will never actually know any of this, but I’d like to spend a few hours in a room with able bodied me and ask her a few questions. 

What’s it like to walk? Am I more successful? Have I got a husband, a family? – it fascinates me.. The curiosity sometimes keeps me awake

All that said. I’m quite proud of me, and it’s often better the devil you know than the one you don’t! 

One thought on “Daydreaming 

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